My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
