Sry I called you an 8
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
