In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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