Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize