Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
