so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
