Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she smelled like a LAN party
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
