I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
