It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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