I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
