Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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