i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
