I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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