needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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