please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
