RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
