dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
