Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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