I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
