you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize