I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Farmville is her only friend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
