I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
