Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
