these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
