So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
