so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
