If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
