i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
