i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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