Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
