AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
