the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
