btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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