Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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