Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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