It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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