I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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