I wish I could teleport
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
