i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
