Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize