Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
