Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
