He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
