I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
