i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
