I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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