you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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