I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
