I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
