Your dad touched me again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
