I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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