Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
