I got chris browned last night
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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