My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
