He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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