i think my mom watched the whole time
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
