I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
