What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
