Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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