i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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