i need an iv and a liver transplant
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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