my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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