He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
