Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
