know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
