I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
