I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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