It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
