I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
