Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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