literally had 100 drinks last night.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
